What was I going to say again?

At some point in the wee hours of this morning, I was awakenedy by one of my usual urges to visit the powder room. When I returned to bed, sleep refused to come. So, I lied there thinking. I ran through my usual thoughts: work (aaagghhhckk!! I have to get x, y, AND z done!), house work (we can check a,b, and c off this weekend if we put our minds to it!), and then I waited for Tot to kick me.

While running through my nightly neuroses, I also had the best idea for a post. I mean, I came up with the best subject and even plotted not only the subject matter but the intracacies of the format. I was so engrossed in the idea that I had to wait again for Tot to kick because I missed it the first time (I like to really enjoy my middle of the night bonding.)

So, I sat down today to write this post figuring I'd remember it if I put my mind to it: Nope. It's not there. My brain is empty this Friday afternoon. I guess it's time for the weekend.

Ped Visit

Yesterday, E and I met with our first of two pediatricians. We went armed with a list of questions, and overall were happy with his answers. There were a few weird moments, but overall I think we could be happy with him as our child's medical care giver.

Weird moments:

• Asked if E was my sister (hmmm, because most folks ask their sister to co-lactate?) He recovered nicely though, and treated us as a couple after learning the true nature of our relationship.
• Gave us his opinion on vaccinations (he's very pro, and is happy to spread them out to make us as comfortable as possible) and part of his rationale was so that E and I wouldn't be inconvenienced by Tot's illness - you know, so that we don't have to take off work if/when he gets chicken pox. Since E and I didn't decide to have a baby based on convenience, we were both taken aback by that thought. On the flip side, we know that for some people missing a week of work because a child is sick absolutely must be a consideration. Still, strange.

Things we liked:

• This guy is very pro-breast feeding. We asked how he dealt with problems and he proceeded to explain all of the resources he pulls on to help women get through the potential difficulties. He also complimented the midwives on their focus on and ability to facilitate breast feeding. He did not mention "formula" once. (As in, if you keep trying and it doesn't work, there are good formulas out there too.) We felt confident that we would be supported in breast feeding our son.
• On that note, he was absolutely fascinated by E's attempt at co-lactation and said, mostly to himself, that he was going to do some reading on that. We saw this as supportive and as a desire to be informed. He did not dismiss it or act like it was really strange etc...
• He is not particularly gung ho about antibiotics. This was important to us because knowing that we will be new parents and a bit uptight about anything that is wrong with him, we need to know that our care provider won't try to hand us the opiates of antibiotics, which really do nothing for viruses anyways. He said that he uses them mainly for ear infections - I'm assuming those tend to be bacterial.
• Once he figured out that E and I are both moms, he treated us as such. The original assumption aside, it was clear that he would see us both as Tot's parents.
• Overall, he seemed up on his research, and open to our opinions and style. He gave us the impression that he would be both supportive and informative. We don't think we agree with him on everything, but that he's also open to whatever it is that we want to do. This point is the most important to us as we know that no one will ever be just like us (which is probably a good thing!)

One more ped visit next week and we'll make our decision!

Getting closer

The m/w appointment was relatively uneventful last night. I have lost some weight, again for the second appointment in a row. They told us it is normal w/ baby sugars to lose weight and confirmed that it is, indeed, ME losing weight, not Tot. Good enough by me - I figure it's a bonus jump on the after-birth diet, well-deserved after months of pricking myself and denying my cravings for ice cream.

After the appointment, E and I walked our attention-starved dog. When we got home, I had a chance to chat with my mom on the phone. We connected well, and I learned that she's going to take a day off when the baby comes so she can stay for a weekend and a day. A highly pleasant surprise, in my happy opinion. We then spent the rest of the evening reviewing documents (estate-planning) from the lawyer (me) and watching the last basketball game of M.arch (April!!) Mad.ness (E). Do we know how to have a good time or what?

As each day passes, I am finding myself imagining life after Tot's birth more and more. I imagine resuming old activities like morning runs with the dog (as if that would happen right away.) I imagine holding him and introducing him as my/our son. Somehow I can imagine what he looks like, as long as I don't try to imagine his face... I know that doesn't make any sense, but... I've even gone so far as to imagine him and another sibling running around our back yard.

At the baby shower on Saturday, someone asked us if seeing babies made us more excited or more nervous. It's not that I'm not nervous. I think that there will be more sleepless nights than I will feel I can handle. Inconsolable crying is always a stressful thing, but I'm so hopeful for our future. I'm looking forward to weathering those and other storms because I know we can do it. I'm looking forward to meeting and getting to know our son - enjoying him for who he is, and helping him become the best person he can be. I'm excited to hear him call for me and E for the first time, to see his first smile, and hear his first joke, to see him ride a bike for the first time. I can't imagine much further because it's too exciting. It's too much. He's going to be here in about 5 weeks (considering the first pregnancy tends to go late).

We hit 36 weeks tomorrow. OMG. Is this really happening?

Last patch

The last patch of our over 100 inches of snow has left our yard! I have slight sunburn (not that hard for me to get). The house was cleaned with the window open. We grilled and ate almost every meal on the deck. Yup, spring is here. We had a fun and busy weekend.

On Friday I did the spring thaw dog poop pick up while S sat on the deck enjoying the weather. An Easter Egg arrived from my dad so we decided to go out to dinner. Our friend S joined us and the evening was nice and relaxing.
On Saturday, we slept in and then went directly outside! G ran around, chewed sticks, played ball, and loved her Mom and Mutti being in the backyard with her. We ate breakfast on the deck! S went grocery shopping and I cleaned the house. Then it was grilled chicken sausages for lunch and a walk with G. Our walks now consist of S wearing a backpack chair to the park and then sitting while G and I play Frisbee! It works for everyone!



Next we were off to a wonderful shower for our friends T and J, thrown by I and M, to celebrate T, J and little M’s union!



After that we were off for another walk to the park with G, grilled dinner, and then our friends M and S came over. They are due on the 20th!

Yesterday, included church, H*me Dep*t, working on refinishing our china cabinet, sewing a bed skirt, working on some legal documents, laundry, and a walk with G.
Phew….no wonder I’m tired! At least I didn’t have to shovel!

What are we doing here?

We have had the worst winter in my recent memory (recent being a reliable 15 years- since learning to drive, in the least.) Today it is approaching 60 degrees, the sun is out and it smells like spring.

Why am I inside typing away at a computer? Work is sincerely overrated.

Bright spot: Tomorrow it is supposed to be even nicer!

How do you feel?

I am now asked routinely how I "feel". Strangely, I get the sense that folks are looking for me to list off everything that's wrong with me. How am I supposed to answer this? By pointing out that I can no longer stand for an entire shower in the morning? By talking about how I walk the dog - taking a chair with us to the park so that I can sit for 15 minutes after walking for 10? By mentioning that I cannot sleep at night, nor can I wake in the morning?

Hearing myself complain throughout the day will just make the complaints all the more real, right? ... and I have more than a month to go. I can't be miserable yet. I have so much work to do at work, and we have so much to finish at home - mind over matter is what I say.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't complain to E. She gets to hear every ache and pain, possibly multiple times a day. She is also, of course, incredibly sweet. She willingly ties my shoes so that I don't have to bend down (walking shoes must be worn for walks or I will last only moments. Walking shoes are not slip-ons.) She is happy to rub my aching back...

So, how do I feel? I feel like I'm 8 months pregnant. I'm happy that I've not gained too much weight (17 lbs total as of last appt). I'm happy that my wife understands my daily bath-after-work needs. I also feel like I'll be happy to "get my body back", so that it's mine again. (Yes, I know it will never be the same. That's fine.) I'll be glad to stop counting my carbs incessantly. It will be nice to have a bladder larger than a dime. I've been ready to drink gallons of black iced tea since I gave it up last fall. I'm ready to be done with appointment after appointment, and I feel like my back might break in half if I don't sit down.

I also know that our son isn't ready to come out yet. From what I've read, his digestive system and lungs aren't really ready for the world yet. He has to gain a bit more weight before he's ready too. Since he is the ultimate goal, and the one that I'm busy taking care of, I feel like I'm not yet ready for him to come. I feel like he won't be ready for at least a month, and so I have to stay in a mental place that allows me to cope with the discomfort and inconveniences of being pregnant because he's worth it, and so am I.

It's a Baby Boom

My cousin had her baby BOY yesterday at 12:27pm. 20", 7lb and 7oz, so smaller than E's family babies of late!

Pictures of D when we get them.