stickin

128 beats per minute!

Can I Hear You?

We are off today for an ultrasound with the RE with the hopes of a continuing to grow fetus and to potentially hear a heartbeat. Some anxiety around hearing the heartbeat but I think that is to be expected! However, from the symptoms standpoint, things seem to be moving along. S is nauseous, has headaches, and is exhausted. Very reminiscent of the 7-10 week mark of A's development. Fingers crossed that means this little twig is doing well!

On the other front, A is still waking up periodically with tummy pain. It is so hard to determine if it is because he is having issues with his bowels or if he found out how much more attention he gets when he is sick. Not to mention Mama and Mutti have been going to lots of doctor appointments in the past few months. We have decided to keep an appointment with a pediatric surgeon for tomorrow just to clear the mind and establish a relationship should we (heaven forbid) need one. But, from the pictures, you couldn't tell his tummy hurts! Enjoy.

A happy ending, and revisiting dark memories

This has been a long 24 ish hours. A woke up from his nap yesterday after only an hour. He was wandering around and whining/crying every few minutes and would often do some writhing.

If there are any of you out there reading, you will recall that we had some very serious issues with A's bowels when he was first born. Though he was healed after three months, I took more than another year to finally feel like I was more on top of my fear and hurt. The past day really put me to the test again.

Pardon the wealth of information, but we weighed the evidence. A had pooped earlier in the day, and was passing gas. He was also hungry and thirsty. This is a very good sign that no bowel obstruction existed. We kept waiting for him to have to vomit or have major blowouts, but nothing came of it. E put him to bed, and after sleeping for just 1.5 hours, he was up and howling/crying/writhing again.

On and off through the night it went. E stayed up with him first. Mostly because she's amazing, but also b/c I'm ridiculously unable to function without sleep. Plus, there's a baby in this womb. Finally, I relieved her around 3:30 and she caught an hour or two of broken sleep. At 6am, we decided that he was in too much pain, and that things were obviously not getting any better. We got ready to go, and then he fell asleep. Since he'd only had a few 20 minutes naps throughout the night, we let him sleep; however, 40 minutes later he woke up writhing again and E put him in the car to go to the ER.

I followed about 25 minutes behind. E had insisted I get more sleep, but I couldn't, so I got up and set the dogs up for hours of being left alone, then I left. by the time I had arrived, they were already checked into pediatric emergency. Within moments we were talking to the nurse practitioner and then off to xray. Soon thereafter we had our diagnosis: constipation.

A was such an amazing trooper through it all: blood pressures, xrays, urine sample (catheter), and then an enema and explosive poop. All on no sleep. He was a-ma-zing. He is also healthy.

It was hard though, for me. I was so f***ing scared. I kept thinking that he must have a partial blockage. I thought, "great, we moved away from the one surgeon who can fix my son." E confessed that she had a backup plan of driving back to our old city to see our old doc. (I would have gone for it!!) I was afraid for his pain, and I was afraid for mine. I was trying too, to show him that he would be ok and taken care of. I didn't want him to see my fear because I know that my emotions can make it worse for him. I didn't want to have too much stress because I didn't want to put that on the baby growing inside of me, my other child, A's sibling-to-be.

The constipation diagnosis was such a relief. We really did need to be there (I won't go into detail about this, but A definitely needed help getting those intestines cleaned out!) We didn't, however, have an emergency on our hands. Not really. Not like last time. My son is big and healthy and strong. I do treat him that way, but it is so nice to have the affirmation that he is.

Tonight, I sang my exhausted little boy to sleep. I sang him the songs I sang every day in the NICU. My Boy (Girl) and You are my Sunshine. I didn't even cry. I just held him as he drifted off to sleep, peacefully. I can't wait to snuggle him again in the morning, just like normal!

S/He's in there!

Of course, I don't have digital pics, but today E and I saw our baby. No twins for us, which was a big relief for E, and a slight relief (and slight diappointment) for me. We are just over the moon that there IS a baby in there, one that is measuring 5 weeks and 5 days, already an overachiever given that s/he is only 5 weeks 4 days. :-)

We have another appointment in a week and a half when we hit 7 weeks. Also, next week, we are going to tour the birth center near us, even though we would have to pay the "out of network" price. This birth center isn't in any network, which I find very annoying. We'll see what we think once we are there. Baby makes things busy busy!! Avillage doesn't know about it yet, though he is confused about all of the things going on around him. We will explain it to him in a while, at least after we see the heart beat... and perhaps then some.

Yay!!!

Great news!

The beta history:

17 dpo 219

19 dpo 612

21 dpo 2021

yay yay yay! I called the lab myself for that big 2021, so I'm still waiting for the RE office to call me with their official take on the whole thing. :-) That, and I think we get to see the little one on Friday or Saturday. We are PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anxiety mounting

Now that we had our first beta, I am anxiously trying to push fears that tomorrow's will be lower. I have been examining every symptom backwards and forwards today, and I keep thinking that I'm not tired enough, or "why am I not nauseous yet?"

I just hope that we get a great number tomorrow and I wonder why on earth I was ever nervous in the first place.