Is it the 3rd trimester already?

I know that the 3rd trimester technically started at 27 weeks. I, however, refused to cede until this week - out of principle. It just doesn't seem fair that the 2nd one is so short. It's the one where you are supposed to feel the best... my 1st trimester ick didn't even leave until week 16, so it hardly seems fair that 10 weeks later I have to give up the good-feeling portion of the pregnancy!

E and I have both noticed that over the past couple of weeks I've grown more tired again. I'm also having more and more difficulties with my tummy - acid reflush, nausea etc... Last night I was a bit ill. So, I can't help it: I'm just going to have to scream "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" I think that stuff should start right before baby is born because 12 weeks seems like a long time....

I am also not particularly appreciative of all of the well-meaning folks that like to remind me that it's only going to get worse from here on out. Gee, thanks. I am now feeling like I have so much to look forward to! It sounds like the next three months are going to be a blast!

I now have a new symptom. When Tot doesn't move as much, I am struck with fear. Fear that something is wrong with him. Fear that we won't make it to the end of this pregnancy. Fear that I've done something to hurt him in there. I'm working on my rational self and reminding it that some days I'm more tired too... he's probably growing lots...and that every movement counts... just because he isn't walloping me every few seconds doesn't mean something is wrong... I know that much of this is just first pregnancy/pregnancy unfamiliarity syndrome. I'm not this neurotic (usually.)

So far, Rational Self has managed to stay in control. Good thing we have an appointment this evening b/c Rational Self is getting rather tired.

28 weeks

28 week down. That is 70% of the 40 weeks; 70%, people!!! Not that I'm worried (b/c I honestly am not), but we've read that if I were to go into labor now, that our baby would have an 85% chance of survival without any significant complications. Wow!

When we reminisce and tell our son about the winter we were pregnant, we will tell him:

1. The country was in the midst of the most dynamic presidential primary in recent memory (certainly in my memory!) At 28 weeks, Obama held a rally and Clinton is on her way here this weekend. We feel like we are part of history, and we both plan to vote in a PRIMARY next week!
2. WI received a record snow fall. We are approaching 80 inches now, and the weather gurus are suggesting we might even reach 100" by the season's end. (Previous snowfall record for ENTIRE season: 76.1".)
3. Related to the above point, poor E has shoveled our driveway more times this season than she should have had to in five years. Of course, the one season I'm of extremely little help....

I'm sure there is more we will tell him... we will tell him how much we love him, and how much we wanted him before he was ever here. We won't be surprised when his favorite foods are cereal and ice cream, because that's what he seems to be telling me he wants!

12 weeks to go. 12 weeks before we meet our wonderful baby boy.

P.S. Does anyone know what happened to Maeby at Possible Maybe? Maeby, are you password protected now?

I guess I never thought about THAT before

E and I are taking birthing classes through our birth center. We've been twice so far, and I think the most shocking thing is that I never really considered the fact that I'm going to actually go through labor and then - get this- birth a BABY!!!

Yes, I recognize that this is strange as getting pregnant and choosing natural childbirth usually leads to that which is mentioned above. However, for some reason, in all of our years of trying, and in the past six months of actually being pregnant, it never really connected that I would- with my own body- birth a BABY!

Week 1, I was so in shock that on our way home (in a snow storm) all I could say was "I'm really freaked out". E must have thought I was an alien or something. We had watched several videos and although we were learning about what not to do and how to take control of our own birthing situation, we did not see anything traumatic. Our dear midwives did not show us anything overly graphic or horrendous. In spite of that, I was absolutely overcome with emotion... shock, maybe? I still don't have the words for how that evening left me feeling. One woman in the videos, who had such a natural birth that she caught her own baby, danced with her husband through most of the labor. She was particularly nervewracking to me because her eyes kept rolling back into her skull. I know it was supposed to be a beautiful video of how peaceful birth can be, but it reminded me of an exorcism that I hadn't signed up for.

Week 2, we watched three videos. By the third one, I think I was finally breathing regularly- at least for the most part. We drove home that night and I was less freaked out about birthing, but still perplexed at my reaction, or was it a lack of cognition before those two classes? I am just unsure.

I'm not really afraid of labor and delivery. Fear definitely isn't my dominant feeling. It must be a previous lack of acknowledgment in terms of how pregnancy ends, specifically how this pregnancy will end. It's overwhelming to imagine getting there. Getting to The End. L&D signifies the end, afterall. Maybe it's the mental block after years of IF, after years of wondering whether or not we would finally have our own child. Maybe it's just healthy to not overthink an experience that can go on for hours and cause a significant amount of pain. Maybe I'm not as grounded in reality as I tend to think of myself. Maybe I'm crazy...

Wishing I could post more anonymously

E and I are relatively open people. I'm assuming that comes across in our writing, but to explain: we are folks who reach out quite a bit to those around us. I say this because when we started writing here we reached out to those that we knew at the time (as in, we didn't yet really know anyone in blogland.) That included family and close friends. Some of those folks are loyal readers, and some aren't. That isn't the problem in this case. The problem is that I sometimes have difficulty airing my "dirty laundry" because folks IRL know those about whom I feel compelled to complain.

That being so, coupled with a seeming inability to write protected posts on blogger... I'll just have to say that I'm having some difficulties lately dealing with some folks in my life that I do really love quite a bit. Being pregnant and far away from everyone that we love IRL is taking is toll on me. And, with the laws the way they are in our home state, we just won't be changing our situation any time soon.

I wish I could share how I'm feeling with you all because you are all so supportive. With IRL folks out there, though, I'm afraid I'm left feeling a bit more isolated and unable to talk about the things on my mind...

I know I've not said anything, really, but thanks for "listening".

Non-bio mom chronicles

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be a non-bio mom. Is it like being a dad? Well, since I'm planning to breastfeed, I guess not really. Is it like being a bio-mom? Not really since I am not pregnant. I'm an aunt, is it like that? No, I only see my nieces every six months. So, what is it like my ladies out there?

Calling all non-bio moms, calling all non-bio moms, please comment on the best thing about being a non-bio mom!

Here is my guess, it is great and un-like most societal defined roles a person can play in the development of a human. I mean, I'm one of child's parents. He will have to listen to me because I'm a mom (and will refuse to listen to me, because I'm a mom). I don't have the wonderful experience of wondering if he will have my eyes or heaven forbid my chins! :) But I can, with all honesty say he might have some of my personality and demeanor. He will likely pick up some of my mannerisms, my love for things, and many of my values.

The term non-bio mom seems so secondary but really, isn't the same as so many other things in my life that I have to "reclaim" and give the meaning I believe it should have regardless of the societal definition or the lack of a better word? So, I from here out declare myself a NON-BIO MOM, and I'm proud to be!

My definition of non-bio mom:
(Noun) a woman dedicated to the life and development of a child born as their child by another woman (my wife). She is the caregiver, dedicated parent, and forever-biggest supporter of said child. She is, a mom (see definition of mom).

Also known as Mutti (German form of Mom derived from Mutter) in our house!

A refreshing start to February

We had a lovely weekend of doing next to nothing. We sat around in a cabin where we ate ice cream by the wood fire, played Ya.htzee and got lost in one of the nearby state parks while I tried out some borrowed snow shoes (why have we not invested in these marvelous contraptions!!?) Gladys had a blast as well; she's a city dog born to live in the country, so the woods were the best playground she could have asked for.

We returned from our getaway in time to see most of the S.uperbowl. I got most of our tax info in order and E made some delicious chicken wings for the event. All in all a very nice weekend.

We have both had it with the winter this year, so getting away was a nice way to refresh for the rest of winter. We've had an outrageous amount of snow and cold for one season in this part of the country, and I've felt something like a shut in for the last couple of months. Coming into February makes me (wrongly, I'm sure) believe that we are just one month away from spring weather. Nevermind that March 1st hardly ever brings spring weather. Although the shift in weather generally occurs mid-late March, there is something about this mindframe that gets me through the end of winter every year. I think this year has been particularly difficult because I've limited going outside for fear of falling on all of the ice and snow (and a dog pulling on the leash only exacerbates that fear/reality.)

Maybe too, I know that spring is the last season before our baby arrives. I can hardly believe that he's coming!! This weekend I must have thought "I can't wait to see him" about 50,000 times. I know he's not ready to be here, and I know we still have quite a bit to do before he arrives, but I am really starting to day dream about holding him, changing his diapers and falling in love with his little face over and over again. I can't truly believe that we're going to be parents, and I'm trying to imagine what that might truly mean because - honestly - how can we really know until we're doing it? Today, I'm not afraid of the whole parenting thing; I'm just truly excited, dripping with the anticipation of getting there. There being that place that we've been trying to get to for 3 years. 3 years on this road to finally meeting our son.

Damn! I can't wait for spring!

Photo Friday: Black and White

Higgins has been with me for most of his 8.5 years. He is our "special" cat. I adopted him from a rescue, and he's just never been a well boy. He spent his first week or so with me at the kitty hospital, most likely for stress in retrospect. His favorite being in the world is Tanner, our other kitty. The only person he cares for is me, and he never really forgave me and E for moving in together, let alone for bringing a dog into the mix. He is a sweet cuddler when he isn't cowering under the spare room bed.

He is a sweet cuddle boy, though. I love him to bits when he jumps into bed with me. He will actually sleep under the covers if the dog is nowhere to be found (like when I sleep in the spare room to save E from my pregnancy snores!!) He has a snaggle tooth that juts out, and we think it's the cutest little thing. He doesn't come when called by any of his names, but he is affectionately known as: Snags, Snaggle, Higgs, Professor Higgins, ghost face (b/c he hides in the dark and all you can see is his white face), cuddle bunny, cuddle boy, and whatever else catches our fancy when he decides to stand at the edge of the living room and "join" us in whatever we're doing.