Thursday

Getting ready for the weekend. E's dad will be here, and we're looking forward to Michael Feldman, maybe some hockey, good conversation and probably a bit of wine. We are going to enjoy ourselves and then tend to more baby business next week at our Wednesday and Thursday appointments.

Update - Boston

Well, the trip to Boston is on. We can't do a round of Clomid this month b/c we have to see the np before going on ahead. She's out of the office until next week, so we will miss the window. So, now next week, we are meeting w/ the np and then we are going to the official infertility clinic to have our first IVF consultation. we are flying out to Boston the next day, so we will have lots of time to think, talk, think, talk, etc.... Good thing I love seafood.

To skip or not to skip

Last month my cycle lasted 45 days. We had been banking on 28-30 days cycles when we planned our trip to Boston in 2 weeks. An extra 15 days is a big difference when you are trying to get pregnant. So, we realized last night that if we go to Boston, we have to skip this month unless we want to attempt to lug 2 vials of ICI across the country risking damage in flight or damage by baggage handler.

E wants to go to Boston and either take the month off or drag ICI with us. I want to stay here and stay on schedule. Of course, when we find out we're not pregnant next month and I made us cancel our trip, I will feel terrible that we never get to have any fun b/c I am so desperate to have a baby. I will attempt to spare you all a tirade about how unfair life is, but let's just say that between the anger, frustration and deep-seeded sadness - I've kind of had it with life for a little while.

E is right, there is no right or wrong decision. Although, I kind of know she's right: that we should take the trip and try to have a good time... spend a month getting our heads on straight, eating extra healthy to grow some good eggs etc.... What if my cycle gets all screwed up again when I skip the clomid for the month? What if we miss the one month that we could have gotten pregnant? What if we never get to be parents? I am so tired of all of this.

Do-Over

We knew it was coming. Yesterday, we saw the BBT starting it's drop. We paged through scores of journal pages looking for some evidence that the inevitable was not going to happen. Yet, every month, just before AF arrived, my temp dropped to the exact same level the day before AF. Today, we proved that the consistency we strive for still is not exactly what we want.

I suppose it softened today's blow: the BBT bottomed out this a.m. and a few hours later.... confirmation that we were not successful yet again. It is sunny and beautiful here. The weather is unseasonably warm, and I should have enjoyed my morning walk with the dog. Still, the air is heavy, and my head is pounding; it might as well be a gloomy doomy day. I feel a thousand years old and then some. Today just sucks.

The plan is to call the np's office tomorrow and get confirmation that we can go another round of Clomid, plan it out, set up the next u/s etc... Then, call the fertility clinic and set an appointment for an IVF consultation for just about right after we would know next month didn't work. Of course, we're still going to keep our fingers crossed that we will be able to cancel. I won't be a mom when I'm 30, but by 31 something has to have changed!

Thank goodness we have one another. I am just so grateful that E and I are working together on this. She is an amazing woman. We have an amazing partnership, and our baby - for whom we will be eternally grateful - will have two loving parents whenever s/he finally arrives. Just hurry this up already!

No go

AF is coming, the BBT dropped, we are disappointed. Time to gear up for the next round.

Dreaming

So last night I slept like a rock. S and I just vegged out in bed watching t.v. and getting the plans together for our upcoming trip to the Boston area. I fell asleep around 11 (early for me) and didn't wake until the 6 am BBT check alarm went off. It was great! Not only was the sleeping great but the dreaming was awesome!

I dreamt that we were not only pregnant but it was about 9 months from now and our TWINS were being born. The labor wasn't too bad for S. The only issue was the boy (yes we had a boy and a girl) was slightly underweight and smaller. Everyone was healthy though. The feeling I had was so real I can't imagine I could be any prouder than I was in my dream on the real day our child arrives. Come on babies get here!

Waiting Game

Well we are in the throws of the waiting game. The holidays have helped move the time a bit faster but we are just sitting and waiting at this point.

Our friends, C&C, were in from San Fran for New Years and that always makes our lives feel full. C&C are some of the best friends we could ever ask for. We spent the weekend basically in our house eating, drinking (some more than others as S was caring for what is hopefully a blastocyst), and talking. It doesn't take much to spend three days with them.

S has been experiencing some symptoms that are either a sign of AF coming, the onset of an illness, or pregnancy. The main one being sore boobs. Guess we'll just have to wait.